To have good relationships we have to first look back at the beginning of Creation. God created the first relationship between people in the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve. When He created Adam he saw that it was not good for man to be alone so He created Eve to be his companion. God created us with a sense of community and need for relationships. If we truly want to have good relationships, we have to start with a firm foundation built on the solid principles of God.

When we discover a deeper relationship in Christ it flows over into our relationships with others. To grow those deeper relationships we have to be in constant communication with not only our Father in Heaven but also those who are our friends, boy/girlfriends, fiance’s, and spouses. We should be able to have conversations with those closest to us about our relationships. If we learn how to apply this and push through the awkward moments, we have a chance to affect a statistic that says most marriages end in failure. We have to inspire positive change within us.

Sometimes we get scared that our relationships will fall if we keep open communication with God and our significant other. On God’s side we get scared that if He takes control over our relationships that we might not get to keep the person that we are in a relationship with now. We also sometimes think that if we talk about issues that are awkward we could end up losing someone as well. We have to learn how to trust God first and be obedient to what He says, even if it means ending a relationship. Trust is vital to relational success. If we don’t learn to trust in God we will never be able to trust in others.

One of the most common mistakes that people make in relationships is not setting boundaries early in the relationship.  If we build our relationships correctly we can have the awkward conversation and set boundaries that will direct us in the way of purity, not promiscuity. If we really want to be different we need to rebel against the norm of breaking boundaries and set them in a way that is pleasing to God.

When relationships are built on the solid foundation of Christ, everything else will fall into place. Relationships won’t be so hard to figure out if we trust God and have open communication with Him about our relationships. He will direct us in a way that shows us what boundaries to follow so that we can remain pure in Him. We have to become different than the rest of the world and fight against the inward desire to do things on our own. One day we will be able to see more marriages working and relationships building. Change can only come when we decide to do relationships God’s way and not our way.

We hope that you have enjoyed the past weeks in our Awkward Relationship series. As this comes to a close, we hope that you are encouraged to pursue a relationship with God and allow for Him to control your earthly ones. Next week, we will be talking about some of the questions we have received about Dive Deep Ministries and announcing our new series to start on April 20. If you have any specific questions about our ministry that you would like to have incorporated into next week’s post, please send us an e-mail at kyle@divedeepministries.org.

Have a great week in the Lord!

Dive Deep,

KC

Everyone can probably think of a time when you have been too trusting of someone or haven’t trusted enough. In a world where it seems that corruption and lies live we must find a way to trust others so that our relationships flourish. It is very clear through the Bible that God wants us to trust Him fully with all that we are. One of the best stories that shows trust is about an old guy named Noah whom God told to build an Ark. Now we don’t have Arks floating around in the water today, but the Ark was huge. By the time that it was completed, it was large enough to hold 8 freight trains with 65 cars each! Noah built the Ark because he trusted that God would do what He said, but it was quite an interesting project.

Noah came under huge pressure from his neighbors and his community while he was constructing the Ark, but he continued to put his trust in God and follow what He had commanded him to do. The end result was Noah, his family and two of every kind of animal were on the Ark and spared from God flooding the world, but everyone else was not. Noah’s family was spared because he had spent 600 years trusting in God before he built the Ark.

Noah figured out he had to trust God first, and then trust others. If he had trusted in the people around him who told him that he was crazy, he would have lost out on the reason that God told him to build the Ark in the first place. We so often get this backwards and begin to put our trust in those around us first, and in God second or further. When we do this, we take our eyes off of the one who has created relationships, and then we wonder why our relationships aren’t working out well. We tend to put our trust in things we can see and not in the One who is unseen. If we flip these, we will find out our relationships will begin to flourish.

Trusting in God is hard for the majority of us because when we trust in Him, we lose control over our kingdom. We begin to try to trust in God with some of our self and hold back other areas for us to control. Relationships are an area that we tend to hold on to, but they should be the first we give away. If we want to be blessed in our relationships, we have to trust in God to direct us in the way that we should go with them.

We can’t trust on ourselves and the things of this world, that’s why we should trust God first, then others second. When we get in a relationship with someone at any level, there has to be trust between us. It becomes hard to be in a relationship when you keep secrets from each other, because out of secrets come lies. You will find yourself lying to the other person to cover your tracks, and then you get to the point where the lies overwhelm you and your relationship falls.

There is also a difference between boundaries and trust. Within your relationships before marriage, it’s not the best thing to tell the other person every little thing about you. When you’re married, your trust level changes, and you should be totally open with your spouse. We are going to go more into boundaries next week, so stay tuned for that.

If you find yourself trusting someone else first, then trusting God, it’s time for a change. God is longing for you to trust in Him so He can move in your relationships and in your life. The one thing He is waiting for is for you to surrender your life to Him with no strings attached. This week, take a self-evaluation and look at your relationships to see if you really are trusting God or the other person. If you have any doubt, surrender these areas to God and watch what He will do. You will be free to live better, and He will be able to move in your life in mighty ways. Your relationships will become better over time if you are willing to give up control and be surrendered to God.

There are some pretty cool things that will be happening with Dive Deep in the near future. We will be revealing them over the next few weeks in our blog post and on our Facebook group, so be sure to jump in on the cool stuff going on.

Dive Deep,

KC

Communication is not an easy thing to do depending on your subject. Some people get uncomfortable around others or in front of big groups when it is necessary to talk. We can’t go though life without communicating, so we begin to rely on our knowledge to speak to others. We need to realize that God created us for communication with others. Let’s consider Moses. After he fled Egypt, he went to live in the desert for 40 years and then one day he was walking along and a bush started talking to him. Now many have probably heard this story before, but think of how you would react if a bush started talking to you. That would make for a pretty awkward moment, but the awkwardness came later in his conversation.

God told Moses to go to back to Egypt because he was to tell the king to let the Israelites go. Now Moses was raised by the daughter of the king of Egypt. Imagine how that must have made Moses feel. At first he said that God needed to send someone else. God told Moses that he still wanted him to go and speak on their behalf. Moses did, and he probably felt pretty awkward when he started to talk to the king.

While most of us may never have to go and tell a leader to do something, we all have burning bush moments in our relationships. This could be a time where we hear a voice tell us that we need to talk about something with our spouse, boy/girlfriend, or fiance’, but how many times do we take the easy way out and stay silent. We have to be willing to have the awkward conversation in our relationships. So often people shut off communication instead of taking a chance to talk about the hard subjects and it breaks down the relationship.

If we shut off communication to those around us, we tend to become silent to God. We know that He wants us to be in open communication with our earthly relationships. We, just like Moses, begin to make excuses of why we want to keep something silent. Maybe you think that you will be looked down on or that you could mess up your relationship by talking about something, but in reality you are only breaking down the trust in your relationship by not being open with each other. Relationships are for you to share life with someone.

Silence has become our way of hiding things, and somehow we feel like that is helpful. It only destroys our relationships, and causes irritation on both sides. We have to be willing to be vulnerable and talk about the things that are needed, even if it means creating a very awkward moment. God was not pleased when Moses made excuses about why he couldn’t go to the king of Egypt. Why do we think that He reacts any different for us?

Lets start to do something that will amaze the rest of the world around us, and be willing to have the hard conversations about issues that need to be talked about. This could be as small as needing to spend more time together or having to make a few changes because boundaries are being crossed. Don’t allow yourself to lose out on an amazing relationship because you are to afraid to have the awkward moments. In the long run you will feel better that you did and trust will continue to build in your relationships.

This week, challenge yourself to talk to your spouse, boy/girlfriend, fiance, or just a friend about something that you may have been thinking you need to talk about, no matter how awkward it may be. We can’t be silent forever, and God will allow it to come out. He will be pleased if we take the initiative to break the silence first.

Be sure to check out the Dive Deep Ministries group at http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=68351964049&ref=ts and get involved in the conversations with others there! We hope that your week is blessed!

Dive Deep,

KC

The coolest thing about relationships is that they were not just some random idea that someone thought of, but God came up with the big idea in the first place. In the Garden of Eden, God saw that it was not good for man to be alone so He created woman. Maybe it was God trying to create a better version of man but we believe that when He created man, relationships were also created.  Adam and Eve were quite happy until they fell into sin and had an awkward moment when they tried to hide from God. They were ashamed, so they hid and were eventually thrown out of the Garden. The idea is that we can’t hide when we mess up our relationship with God, and we should strive to be more in tune with Him.

Some of the most common issues that create problems for relationships are bad communication, lack of trust, money or job issues, and selfishness. Relationships that have these problems in existence encounter many awkward moments. Communication is key to a successful relationship. We also must take time to listen to the other party and make an effort to understand what they are trying to tell us. Maybe communication problems will never go away, but we can improve our communication skills to overcome awkward moments in our relationships.

Relationships that do not have a strong basis of trust can create instability. If you think of a rock climber that is repelling down a mountain, that person has to fully trust their belay partner on the ground. If the belayer says they will take care of the climber and follows though with this, it builds greater trust. When the climber is coming down, he or she knows that they are being taken care of and don’t have to carry the burden of stress and uncertainty. The trust in their belay partner causes a bond to be formed. On the flip side, if the rope is always slack even though the belayer said they would take care of them, the climber has to be extra careful to watch where they step so they don’t get hurt. Relationships are a lot like a climber and belayer, you must build trust for each other otherwise it can put great strain and stress on your relationship.

One way that you can communicate a respect for the other person in a relationship is to set boundaries. Most people think that boundaries are in place so that you don’t cross lines, which is correct, but they exist more for the respect of the other person. When you are dating, you should set boundaries early in a relationship and make sure that you clearly communicate these to each other. You should also have freedom to talk openly about your boundaries, and if you notice that you may be getting yourself into situations that lead to compromise, it might be time for you to re-evaluate your relationship and your boundaries. Giving into something you have committed not to do can get you into trouble, and will break down the respect and trust you have tried so hard to build. If you play with fire you will get burned exactly like when you play or cross boundaries, you will get hurt.

So often relationships end up becoming more about what we can get out of them rather than what we can give into them. When we are selfish, we begin only to care about what is best for us. Relationships are not an I but a we adventure. We have to walk though relationships centered on others rather than ourselves. This doesn’t mean that we will never get anything that benefits us, but your relationship will be much stronger if you focus more on your significant other than own yourself. This becomes critical as your relationship moves to higher levels because in the hard times you have to work for each other, not against each other.

Over the next few weeks we will be looking at ways to strengthen your relationship not only with the person you are friends with, dating, engaged, or married to, but also how to grow your relationship to God. We are excited about these series of blogs and hope that you are encouraged to press into deeper relationships.

We have set up a Facebook group for the series that you can be a part of and discuss each week’s post. Check it out at: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=68351964049

Dive Deep,

KC

“Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation.”

Sometimes we end up taking this to the extreme, and sometimes we don’t do enough. The question that everyone ends up asking themselves at some point is where is the balance, and how do we achieve that. We don’t want people to think we are fanatics who need to be locked up, but we still need to convey our love for God. There are three types of evangelism styles; Signpost, Street Corner, and Chameleon evangelism. There is no right or wrong way to evangelize, but some are more effective. Let’s dive into this.

As you have driven anywhere on the interstate, you have seen billboard advertising products, services, and maybe even Christianity. You look at most of them just because your driving and have nothing better to do, but you don’t really remember them, with a few exceptions. There are some people who’s approach to witnessing is much like a billboard. They stand at a distance, showing they are a Christian but don’t really make any effort to reach out and engage others around them. Just like billboards, most people just pass them by and continue driving on the road of life.

When you walk around in downtown Atlanta, GA, you are bound to see someone on the street corner with a sign or a megaphone or just their voice talking about God. Mostly, with a few exceptions, these people talk about God’s wrath or the destruction to come. While their intentions are right, you can get more bees with honey than with peanut butter. The people that talk with them end up feeling scared and afraid, so the accept Christ as insurance instead of out of reverence.

An alternative is to live your faith among those people that you are around. St. Francis of Assisi summed the topic of evangelism up well when he said:

“Preach the gospel always, If necessary use words.”

An interesting observation about people is that we become like those we are around. We are infulanced by our environment, so if we live our faith, we will rub off on those around us. Chamelions blend into their surroundings, but you know that they are there. Our faith should be able to be seen by those around us, while not sticking out like a green dot in a sea of red dots. People will begin to notice that you are different, and when they ask you why it allows a perfect opertunity to share your faith.

You should never be ashamed or afraid of what you believe. Christ tells us that while we preach the good news that we will come under persecution. In those times, we should rejoice because we are being pursecuted for Gods name. It begins to mess with their heads, because its different than everyone else. When the group Switchfoot was talking about how to inspire change, they said:

They say there is strength in numbers. That doesn’t mean that numbers are right. Dare to be different.

Being different for the sake of Christ is a hard road to walk. We must surround ourselves with others to help us though the hard times so that we can rejoice when we are persecuted. Do not faulter in your faith, be strong and courageous.

However you share your faith with others, make sure that your life reflects what you are saying. Fight against the grain of conveniant Christianity. You are a Christ follower at all times, so live for God in your words and actions, and just watch how God will use you.

Dive Deep,

KC

Relationships are a broad topic, so to narrow it down, I want to talk about dating relationships. Christians as a hole have different views on the aspects of dating. Those around us in the world have a different view as well. So we as young people can get very confused on what exactly is dating, how do you date, and how do you make sure its Biblical. 

To have a successful relationship with anyone, there are a few key things you have to understand. First and foremost, you have to have a strong relationships with God. Since God came up with this whole idea of community, how do we expect to have Godly relationships if we don’t have a strong foundation? 

God explains the concept of love to us in 1st Cor 13:4-7 when He says

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

This is what true and perfect love is. It is the love that Christ showed as He walked among us. 

So now that we know what love is, how do we date as Christians? Most people see dating as a way to meet up, hook up, and dump the person. I think its much different than that for Christians. 

Christians should be dating a person because they are looking for a husband or wife, not for a girl or boy friend. While you are dating someone, you should get to know them for who they really are, not who they seem to be. You become interested more in them than yourself, and build a friendship that is solid. I highly suggest you have a strong friendship before going into a dating relationship with someone. This gives you a solid foundation, and helps the level of success for your relationship.

There are lots of opinions on how Christians should date, from group dates, to chaperoned dates, and many more. They all have valid points, but I think fundamentally you can have a safe one on one date, as long as you take some things into consideration. 

All relationships should have boundaries. These boundaries are set up out of respect for the other person, not as a line to see how close you can get to without crossing it. Boundaries must be firm, and shouldn’t be moved to justify the couple crossing a line. If a boundary is broken, the couple should talk about that instance and work to keep the boundary in tact. If either party is unwilling to do this, it might be time to reconsider some things within the relationship. 

You must never put yourself in a situation that could lead to compromise. As a couple, don’t be afraid to openly talk about type of situations to stay away from.  Make sure you stay away from the boundary line. In sports, you don’t play your game on the sideline of the court, you play it in the middle. Apply this same thinking to relationships. Once you set a boundary, stay back from it. If you do this, you won’t have to worry about crossing them. 

Christians have to approach a date as wanting to learn more about the other person, not talk about themselves the whole time. Learn to ask questions about the other person, and learn more about them. You will have your chance to speak along the way, but get to know more about the person you are dating. After all, you are dating them to see if they are the right mate.

Make time for God in your dating relationship. So often I hear of people wanting a relationship to work out because they want it to. If we never go to our Creator and ask Him what He thinks about our relationship, our foundation gets cracked. Allow time for prayer individually and as a couple to go to God about your relationship. This may seem weird at first, but I believe that God blesses relationships that have Him as the center. If you are afraid to go to God about your relationship, you probably need to do some self evaluations to remind yourself why you are in the relationship.

Your dating relationship should always strenghten your relationship with God and your relationship with others. God should always come first in the relationship, because if your significant other starts to become your everything, you are incidentally making that person your God. 

It is possible for you to have a dating relationship as a Christian. Make sure your relationship is Christ centered, and you set boundries out of respect. Be willing to spend time in prayer about the relationship, and God will honor those efforts. We have to be attentive to His will for our lives. Work on your God relationship, so that way when the time comes to be in a dating relationship, you already have a strong connection with your Heavenly Father. After all, He was the one who created relationships, so who better to have one with than the Creator of them. 

May God bless your week! Look for a new post coming next Monday.

Dive Deep,

KC