To have good relationships we have to first look back at the beginning of Creation. God created the first relationship between people in the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve. When He created Adam he saw that it was not good for man to be alone so He created Eve to be his companion. God created us with a sense of community and need for relationships. If we truly want to have good relationships, we have to start with a firm foundation built on the solid principles of God.

When we discover a deeper relationship in Christ it flows over into our relationships with others. To grow those deeper relationships we have to be in constant communication with not only our Father in Heaven but also those who are our friends, boy/girlfriends, fiance’s, and spouses. We should be able to have conversations with those closest to us about our relationships. If we learn how to apply this and push through the awkward moments, we have a chance to affect a statistic that says most marriages end in failure. We have to inspire positive change within us.

Sometimes we get scared that our relationships will fall if we keep open communication with God and our significant other. On God’s side we get scared that if He takes control over our relationships that we might not get to keep the person that we are in a relationship with now. We also sometimes think that if we talk about issues that are awkward we could end up losing someone as well. We have to learn how to trust God first and be obedient to what He says, even if it means ending a relationship. Trust is vital to relational success. If we don’t learn to trust in God we will never be able to trust in others.

One of the most common mistakes that people make in relationships is not setting boundaries early in the relationship.  If we build our relationships correctly we can have the awkward conversation and set boundaries that will direct us in the way of purity, not promiscuity. If we really want to be different we need to rebel against the norm of breaking boundaries and set them in a way that is pleasing to God.

When relationships are built on the solid foundation of Christ, everything else will fall into place. Relationships won’t be so hard to figure out if we trust God and have open communication with Him about our relationships. He will direct us in a way that shows us what boundaries to follow so that we can remain pure in Him. We have to become different than the rest of the world and fight against the inward desire to do things on our own. One day we will be able to see more marriages working and relationships building. Change can only come when we decide to do relationships God’s way and not our way.

We hope that you have enjoyed the past weeks in our Awkward Relationship series. As this comes to a close, we hope that you are encouraged to pursue a relationship with God and allow for Him to control your earthly ones. Next week, we will be talking about some of the questions we have received about Dive Deep Ministries and announcing our new series to start on April 20. If you have any specific questions about our ministry that you would like to have incorporated into next week’s post, please send us an e-mail at kyle@divedeepministries.org.

Have a great week in the Lord!

Dive Deep,

KC

If we look back at the story of Samson we see a great example where God gave him boundaries, but Samson decided to go against them. Judges tells us that before Samson was born he was chosen to be a Nazarene, set apart by God to deliver Israel from the Philistines. God also gave Samson boundaries and commanded that he never cut his hair. As Samson grew up things were good. He was blessed by God and given great physical strength.  One day he was walking down the road and he saw a prostitute so he went to spend the night with her. This is where Samson’s downfall began with something that he probably didn’t think much of, but it significantly impacted the rest of the story.

Samson got into a habit of giving into women when they would nag him about things. After he saw the prostitute he saw another Philistine woman named Delilah and he fell in love with her. Out of Delilah’s greed and being bribed by the Philistines she began to ask him about what made him strong. At first he lied to her several times,  but she finally nagged him enough and he gave into her. He reveled the true reason he had strength was because he never cut his hair. That night Delilah shaved his head. The next morning she cried out to Samson that the Philistines were upon him. Samson discovered the Lord had left him and he no longer had the strength he had been blessed with by God. He decided to cross a boundary God had set for him. In the end of the story, Samson is killed by the Philistines.

There is much to be learned from Samson’s story and he exhibits many similarities to us. The Bible tells us that we are made in God’s image. Although we are born into sin, Jesus has redeemed us from sin. As Christ followers we are set apart from the rest of the world just as Samson was. We may not have super strength, but God is our strength. He has also set boundaries for us. When we cross over those boundaries we disappoint God. He doesn’t leave us, but He is saddened by our actions. We then must deal with the consequences of those actions.

God has given us some boundaries for relationships so we don’t end up like Samson. He is very clear in the Bible about intimacy before marriage and putting Him before everyone else. These boundaries are not set up to stop us from having fun, but to protect us from getting hurt. So many people constantly break boundaries in relationships and other areas of their lives. Since we live in a fallen world, as Christians we should be upholding the boundaries God has set forth. We are called to be different, not like the rest of the world. (Romans 12:2)

If we begin to follow the standards of purity that God has set for us, God will bless our actions. We need to strive to run from things that would make us compromise God’s standards. This is the only way we can be free to have relationships that are pleasing to God and truly enjoy the relationship. God wants your relationships to be set on Him, and follow His ideas makes for a much better ending than Samson had. We have to take a stand in this fallen world that we will follow the boundaries even when its not socially acceptable, because we know that our lives will be filled with greater treasure from God.

Sometimes we all stumble and cross some boundaries, even if they aren’t in relationships. We begin to feel like God hates us, and are afraid to come back to Him. The reason why Jesus died on the cross was to give us life! He wants us to come back to Him when we stray and cross boundaries. He seeks to restore us and help us though the pain of our mistakes.

If you have been living outside of the boundaries God has set for you, I encourage you to begin to come back to Him. It may feel awkward at first not only between you and God, but also in your relationships where you have been crossing boundaries. This may require some changes of you that are going to feel weird, but in the end God is worth it. He is longing for you to reach out to Him and lean on Him to get back on track. The greatest thing about God is that you can always come back. His love and forgiveness are always available. Boundaries protect us from spiritual, emotional, and sometimes even physical harm. God is our protector, and for Him to move in our lives we must live within His boundaries.

Dive Deep,

KC

Everyone can probably think of a time when you have been too trusting of someone or haven’t trusted enough. In a world where it seems that corruption and lies live we must find a way to trust others so that our relationships flourish. It is very clear through the Bible that God wants us to trust Him fully with all that we are. One of the best stories that shows trust is about an old guy named Noah whom God told to build an Ark. Now we don’t have Arks floating around in the water today, but the Ark was huge. By the time that it was completed, it was large enough to hold 8 freight trains with 65 cars each! Noah built the Ark because he trusted that God would do what He said, but it was quite an interesting project.

Noah came under huge pressure from his neighbors and his community while he was constructing the Ark, but he continued to put his trust in God and follow what He had commanded him to do. The end result was Noah, his family and two of every kind of animal were on the Ark and spared from God flooding the world, but everyone else was not. Noah’s family was spared because he had spent 600 years trusting in God before he built the Ark.

Noah figured out he had to trust God first, and then trust others. If he had trusted in the people around him who told him that he was crazy, he would have lost out on the reason that God told him to build the Ark in the first place. We so often get this backwards and begin to put our trust in those around us first, and in God second or further. When we do this, we take our eyes off of the one who has created relationships, and then we wonder why our relationships aren’t working out well. We tend to put our trust in things we can see and not in the One who is unseen. If we flip these, we will find out our relationships will begin to flourish.

Trusting in God is hard for the majority of us because when we trust in Him, we lose control over our kingdom. We begin to try to trust in God with some of our self and hold back other areas for us to control. Relationships are an area that we tend to hold on to, but they should be the first we give away. If we want to be blessed in our relationships, we have to trust in God to direct us in the way that we should go with them.

We can’t trust on ourselves and the things of this world, that’s why we should trust God first, then others second. When we get in a relationship with someone at any level, there has to be trust between us. It becomes hard to be in a relationship when you keep secrets from each other, because out of secrets come lies. You will find yourself lying to the other person to cover your tracks, and then you get to the point where the lies overwhelm you and your relationship falls.

There is also a difference between boundaries and trust. Within your relationships before marriage, it’s not the best thing to tell the other person every little thing about you. When you’re married, your trust level changes, and you should be totally open with your spouse. We are going to go more into boundaries next week, so stay tuned for that.

If you find yourself trusting someone else first, then trusting God, it’s time for a change. God is longing for you to trust in Him so He can move in your relationships and in your life. The one thing He is waiting for is for you to surrender your life to Him with no strings attached. This week, take a self-evaluation and look at your relationships to see if you really are trusting God or the other person. If you have any doubt, surrender these areas to God and watch what He will do. You will be free to live better, and He will be able to move in your life in mighty ways. Your relationships will become better over time if you are willing to give up control and be surrendered to God.

There are some pretty cool things that will be happening with Dive Deep in the near future. We will be revealing them over the next few weeks in our blog post and on our Facebook group, so be sure to jump in on the cool stuff going on.

Dive Deep,

KC

Communication is not an easy thing to do depending on your subject. Some people get uncomfortable around others or in front of big groups when it is necessary to talk. We can’t go though life without communicating, so we begin to rely on our knowledge to speak to others. We need to realize that God created us for communication with others. Let’s consider Moses. After he fled Egypt, he went to live in the desert for 40 years and then one day he was walking along and a bush started talking to him. Now many have probably heard this story before, but think of how you would react if a bush started talking to you. That would make for a pretty awkward moment, but the awkwardness came later in his conversation.

God told Moses to go to back to Egypt because he was to tell the king to let the Israelites go. Now Moses was raised by the daughter of the king of Egypt. Imagine how that must have made Moses feel. At first he said that God needed to send someone else. God told Moses that he still wanted him to go and speak on their behalf. Moses did, and he probably felt pretty awkward when he started to talk to the king.

While most of us may never have to go and tell a leader to do something, we all have burning bush moments in our relationships. This could be a time where we hear a voice tell us that we need to talk about something with our spouse, boy/girlfriend, or fiance’, but how many times do we take the easy way out and stay silent. We have to be willing to have the awkward conversation in our relationships. So often people shut off communication instead of taking a chance to talk about the hard subjects and it breaks down the relationship.

If we shut off communication to those around us, we tend to become silent to God. We know that He wants us to be in open communication with our earthly relationships. We, just like Moses, begin to make excuses of why we want to keep something silent. Maybe you think that you will be looked down on or that you could mess up your relationship by talking about something, but in reality you are only breaking down the trust in your relationship by not being open with each other. Relationships are for you to share life with someone.

Silence has become our way of hiding things, and somehow we feel like that is helpful. It only destroys our relationships, and causes irritation on both sides. We have to be willing to be vulnerable and talk about the things that are needed, even if it means creating a very awkward moment. God was not pleased when Moses made excuses about why he couldn’t go to the king of Egypt. Why do we think that He reacts any different for us?

Lets start to do something that will amaze the rest of the world around us, and be willing to have the hard conversations about issues that need to be talked about. This could be as small as needing to spend more time together or having to make a few changes because boundaries are being crossed. Don’t allow yourself to lose out on an amazing relationship because you are to afraid to have the awkward moments. In the long run you will feel better that you did and trust will continue to build in your relationships.

This week, challenge yourself to talk to your spouse, boy/girlfriend, fiance, or just a friend about something that you may have been thinking you need to talk about, no matter how awkward it may be. We can’t be silent forever, and God will allow it to come out. He will be pleased if we take the initiative to break the silence first.

Be sure to check out the Dive Deep Ministries group at http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=68351964049&ref=ts and get involved in the conversations with others there! We hope that your week is blessed!

Dive Deep,

KC

The coolest thing about relationships is that they were not just some random idea that someone thought of, but God came up with the big idea in the first place. In the Garden of Eden, God saw that it was not good for man to be alone so He created woman. Maybe it was God trying to create a better version of man but we believe that when He created man, relationships were also created.  Adam and Eve were quite happy until they fell into sin and had an awkward moment when they tried to hide from God. They were ashamed, so they hid and were eventually thrown out of the Garden. The idea is that we can’t hide when we mess up our relationship with God, and we should strive to be more in tune with Him.

Some of the most common issues that create problems for relationships are bad communication, lack of trust, money or job issues, and selfishness. Relationships that have these problems in existence encounter many awkward moments. Communication is key to a successful relationship. We also must take time to listen to the other party and make an effort to understand what they are trying to tell us. Maybe communication problems will never go away, but we can improve our communication skills to overcome awkward moments in our relationships.

Relationships that do not have a strong basis of trust can create instability. If you think of a rock climber that is repelling down a mountain, that person has to fully trust their belay partner on the ground. If the belayer says they will take care of the climber and follows though with this, it builds greater trust. When the climber is coming down, he or she knows that they are being taken care of and don’t have to carry the burden of stress and uncertainty. The trust in their belay partner causes a bond to be formed. On the flip side, if the rope is always slack even though the belayer said they would take care of them, the climber has to be extra careful to watch where they step so they don’t get hurt. Relationships are a lot like a climber and belayer, you must build trust for each other otherwise it can put great strain and stress on your relationship.

One way that you can communicate a respect for the other person in a relationship is to set boundaries. Most people think that boundaries are in place so that you don’t cross lines, which is correct, but they exist more for the respect of the other person. When you are dating, you should set boundaries early in a relationship and make sure that you clearly communicate these to each other. You should also have freedom to talk openly about your boundaries, and if you notice that you may be getting yourself into situations that lead to compromise, it might be time for you to re-evaluate your relationship and your boundaries. Giving into something you have committed not to do can get you into trouble, and will break down the respect and trust you have tried so hard to build. If you play with fire you will get burned exactly like when you play or cross boundaries, you will get hurt.

So often relationships end up becoming more about what we can get out of them rather than what we can give into them. When we are selfish, we begin only to care about what is best for us. Relationships are not an I but a we adventure. We have to walk though relationships centered on others rather than ourselves. This doesn’t mean that we will never get anything that benefits us, but your relationship will be much stronger if you focus more on your significant other than own yourself. This becomes critical as your relationship moves to higher levels because in the hard times you have to work for each other, not against each other.

Over the next few weeks we will be looking at ways to strengthen your relationship not only with the person you are friends with, dating, engaged, or married to, but also how to grow your relationship to God. We are excited about these series of blogs and hope that you are encouraged to press into deeper relationships.

We have set up a Facebook group for the series that you can be a part of and discuss each week’s post. Check it out at: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=68351964049

Dive Deep,

KC

It might be helpful to offer some insight on change itself and what the Bible says about change. Change is defined by Websters dictionary to be:

To make radically different

Out of all the definitions for change, this seems to be the one that captures what change means. It also means if you change- it is significant. In a world that casually talks about change, we must be committed to change and become more of what God has called us to be.

Paul addresses the issue of a God type committed change in Philippians 3:21 . Scripture says :

…by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body

This means as we grow, God will change us as we allow Him to work in our lives.

The hardest thing to do is actually make the effort to change. We like who we are, so why do we need to change? We use this argument to justify being stagnant. If we begin to stop changing ourselves we become blind to who we really are, or we become something that we are not. If we fall into resistance to change, we will never become the people that God has intended for us to be.

Lets take a minute to address the topic of positive change. We as a ministry seek to inspire positive change, and use the communication tools that we have been given to help others dive deeper into a relationship with Christ. We believe that Christ centered change is the only good change, and as the definition says, this change can be pretty radical. The Bible says in Romans 12:2:

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

We are not supposed to be the normal people, we are supposed to be different. If we become normal, we risk falling out of a desire to change. When you really think about it, the only change that we as Christians should make is those that are pleasing to God.

Sometimes we end up changing in ways that break us down. They might not seem like significant changes, but the more small changes we make tend to pile up and consume us. These can be things such as hanging out with the wrong crowd or choosing a lifestyle that is not pleasing to God. A common argument among people is that Christians don’t have great lives, but if you stick with the journey God blesses those who are faithful.

It seems that we as Christians have become masters in hiding what is wrong about us and ignore the issues so we are only motivated and accountable to ourselves. We hold back and don’t share with others to avoid the encouragement and accountability that would help us be better people. Some of the issues may be addictions, selfishness, friendships, and a host of other things holding us down. In these situations we start to wonder why God isn’t helping us anymore. The answer is quite simple–we quit allowing change so He can’t move within us.

The best change is one that is initiated by us and moves in a way that is pleasing to God. We tend to get confused on what to change so we need to look back to the One who never changes.  He is the only absolute truth, and the only thing that we can fully rely on.

Change is a process that takes time. It doesn’t happen overnight. We encourage and challenge you to search yourself for areas that you need to change no matter how insignificant you may think the change may be. You might be thinking, “Well its no big deal, just a small thing”, but do you really want to justify not changing just to become a lukewarm Christian? Its time to stop hiding what we don’t want to change, and just do it. Life is so much better when you are running towards the God who loves you, and changing your life to align with His principles.

Dive Deep Ministries is always looking for ways to change and reach others.  Starting next week, we are going to address relationships in a series of blogs we are calling Awkward Relationships:

Relationships can be pretty awkward at times-things like asking someone out, asking them to marry you, and all the relationship issues that go with all that. We are going to look at some of the common issues among dating relationships, and what we believe is God’s design for relationships. He, after all, is the Creator of the big idea. This is a series that will benefit everyone–dating, single, married, or engaged. We are excited about what this is going to bring-don’t miss it!!  Encourage your friends to check this out as well.

This week, we challenge you to find one thing in your life that is in need of change and begin the process. Don’t try to change everything  at once, but start with little things and work toward the bigger things. As you change, you will be amazed how freeing it will be for God to do even more in your life.

Have an amazing week and look for our first post of Awkward Relationships next Monday!

Dive Deep,

KC