If you have ever been in a relationship with someone you have probably encountered some awkward moments. Looking back these don’t seem so awkward now. We believe that something is awkward because we have never been in that situation before and this can sometimes complicate our relationships. With almost 50% of marriages ending in divorce in the United States we have to find a way to rise above the statistics. To defeat the numbers, we need to understand what a Godly relationship looks like and practice it.
The coolest thing about relationships is that they were not just some random idea that someone thought of, but God came up with the big idea in the first place. In the Garden of Eden, God saw that it was not good for man to be alone so He created woman. Maybe it was God trying to create a better version of man but we believe that when He created man, relationships were also created. Adam and Eve were quite happy until they fell into sin and had an awkward moment when they tried to hide from God. They were ashamed, so they hid and were eventually thrown out of the Garden. The idea is that we can’t hide when we mess up our relationship with God, and we should strive to be more in tune with Him.
Some of the most common issues that create problems for relationships are bad communication, lack of trust, money or job issues, and selfishness. Relationships that have these problems in existence encounter many awkward moments. Communication is key to a successful relationship. We also must take time to listen to the other party and make an effort to understand what they are trying to tell us. Maybe communication problems will never go away, but we can improve our communication skills to overcome awkward moments in our relationships.
Relationships that do not have a strong basis of trust can create instability. If you think of a rock climber that is repelling down a mountain, that person has to fully trust their belay partner on the ground. If the belayer says they will take care of the climber and follows though with this, it builds greater trust. When the climber is coming down, he or she knows that they are being taken care of and don’t have to carry the burden of stress and uncertainty. The trust in their belay partner causes a bond to be formed. On the flip side, if the rope is always slack even though the belayer said they would take care of them, the climber has to be extra careful to watch where they step so they don’t get hurt. Relationships are a lot like a climber and belayer, you must build trust for each other otherwise it can put great strain and stress on your relationship.
One way that you can communicate a respect for the other person in a relationship is to set boundaries. Most people think that boundaries are in place so that you don’t cross lines, which is correct, but they exist more for the respect of the other person. When you are dating, you should set boundaries early in a relationship and make sure that you clearly communicate these to each other. You should also have freedom to talk openly about your boundaries, and if you notice that you may be getting yourself into situations that lead to compromise, it might be time for you to re-evaluate your relationship and your boundaries. Giving into something you have committed not to do can get you into trouble, and will break down the respect and trust you have tried so hard to build. If you play with fire you will get burned exactly like when you play or cross boundaries, you will get hurt.
So often relationships end up becoming more about what we can get out of them rather than what we can give into them. When we are selfish, we begin only to care about what is best for us. Relationships are not an I but a we adventure. We have to walk though relationships centered on others rather than ourselves. This doesn’t mean that we will never get anything that benefits us, but your relationship will be much stronger if you focus more on your significant other than own yourself. This becomes critical as your relationship moves to higher levels because in the hard times you have to work for each other, not against each other.
Over the next few weeks we will be looking at ways to strengthen your relationship not only with the person you are friends with, dating, engaged, or married to, but also how to grow your relationship to God. We are excited about these series of blogs and hope that you are encouraged to press into deeper relationships.
We have set up a Facebook group for the series that you can be a part of and discuss each week’s post. Check it out at: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=68351964049
Dive Deep,
KC
Great thoughts, Kyle (so sorry I’m just now getting around to replying to these)!
First of all, I think that “awkward” relationships can also happen because we (both Christians and non-Christians) are trying to live up to the world’s expectations. Expectations like you have to be in a relationship with a guy or girl by a certain age or else something must be wrong with you. Or like when you’re looking for a date/mate, you’re suppose to find someone that meets YOUR needs. Or when you’re on date, you’re suppose to impress the person and only show your “good side.” Or…(we Christians mainly fall prey to this one), if you meet a nice girl or boy, then they must be the one you’re suppose to marry.
Looking into God’s word, we see that these expectations have many flaws.
First, God’s timing is perfect! There’s no verse that says we have to start dating by the time we’re 15, 17,25, or whatever. I believe that God will work everything according to His schedule.
Second, we are told not to be selfish, but to serve the needs of others. Certainly we want to find someone who we enjoy being around, have similar interests, etc., but instead of only pleasing ourselves, we need to be trying to please and serve others. This has been said before, but instead of trying to find Mr. or Mrs. Right, we need to work on becoming Mr. or Mrs. Right for someone else.
Thirdly, we are called to live in the light. We need to be honest and upfront about who we really are. We need to be honest about our struggles, our weakness, our hurts etc.
Lastly, and this is a HUGE one…there are a lot of great guys and girls out there, but let’s face it, you can only marry one! I know so many Christians that met someone from opposite gender, simply because they were both Christians, only to find out later that the other person wasn’t who God had planned for them. There’s a verse in Songs of Solomon that talks about not awaking love until it so desire. So many of us are so eager to be in a relationship that when we meet someone who just MIGHT be our future mate, we go crazy (hence why some Christian schools can be messed up). I would encourage everyone to start out just being friends with others (just for the sole purpose of being friends), and when you think you might have meet your future spouse, to still wait and pray before making any quick decisions. This is not to say that we should be non-commitmental or passive, but only that we need to be wise in our actions. Once a relationship has been moved from friendship to serious or romantic relationship, it’s hard to ever go back to just being friends again. And when two people realize they don’t want to be in a serious relationship, they usually end up completely terminated the relationship and friendship.
Well, those are my thoughts. Sorry for such a long post !!
~Hannah P.
Oops! The second sentence of the last paragraph is suppose to read “I know so many Christians that met someone from opposite gender, and fell in love simply because they were both Christians, only to find out later that the other person wasn’t who God had planned for them.”
Thank you so much for taking the time to do something like this. I also thank you for your comment on my blog. I am going to add you to my roll because I believe a lot of what I have to say can be fortified by your site. Thanks again!
-Desiree
Thanks for stopping by Desiree! We really appreciate the help with promoting our ministry, but more than that creating a group of Christians who are not afraid to claim the name
We need more people talking about this type of stuff from a Christian perspective. Thanks so much again!
Dive Deep,
KC